there will be no more you....
i shall understand what you mean now....
it's nuthing betwen us...
what past just remain redundant...
you are free.. dun't ever look back...
coz i'll walk away..far away and away

i hate myself coz i am missing you,
i hate myself coz i can't get rid off the memories,
i hate myself coz i had to leave you
i hate myself coz i need you
i hate myself coz i could not hate you
i hate myself coz i stuck in you
i hate myself coz i need to run away
i hate myself coz i want to be close to you
i hate myself coz i wish that you pull me back
and lastly i hate myself coz i love you............

sepi...
bila kau hadir di hatiku
aku hilang arah tuju,
umpama layang2 putus tali..
berlegar tanpa arah tuju
meniti hari yang bakal menanti,

masa...
pada suatu ketika,
semalam menjadi mimpi indah,
umpama cerita dongeng seorang puteri,
mengecap bahagia yang pasti..
walau aku terluka di akhir nanti..

kini..
semua adalah kenangan..
aku berdiri sendiri..
untuk melihat dunia..
yang aku tak pasti..

at point where i should conclude that life is a like a drama... it's simply like a story in the novel.. we just never knew what will happened next... for what had happened , it's a remarkable experiences in my life at this born...
when i fall, i try to climb back the mountain,
when i sad, i cry deep inside my heart,
when i devastated, i attempt to run away from everyone,
when i'm lonely, i just wish that someone can hold me close,
and when i here, i learn something new...
it's hard to move on but it is true,
i crawl again to know the outside world,
i hold myself tight to have the strenght to stand again,
but.. there is a moment, when the memories just breeze to you,
and everything seemed like just happened yesterday,
when the time come, my tear drop and wash away the time
i try to look behind but there's no shoulder to cry on...
i console myself to let everything flies away..
though it's hard to let it go
i take my hand to wipe the tears and i push myself to stand again
as nothing had happened like a plain glass of water...

far away distance,
just to make an over right,
the memories are always there,
as though you are near,
and close right here...
the tear drop and the heart shouts,
and if only you could hear,
and the mind pounding,
because she always in fear,
but she always forget,
that there is no more us,
there is no more time,
and she is not worth...
a vow to let things go,
to let you free,
to make you happy,
and smile again..
and wont you ever come near again..
cause she's gone..

i came to say goodbye
to plead for apologizes
i am the mistake
that makes the regret
for what had happened , its just the past,
that will be kept for life
its hard to let it go
but its the sacrifices
its hard to say it loud
so i keep it close to the heart
its hurt to feel the pain
so i run to breath again
its nothing that i can say
coz no words can explain.
i'm letting you go
to fly free again as before
dun't u ever look back to those days
as its never happened to you
dun't u turn to call my name
coz it won't change
no last words that i have
just apologizes and hope you can smile again.

i wish that we were back to our vivid moments, where the things start...but i guess it had just been forgotton....

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye


You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me


I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

i wish that i can have my last word..
i wish that i can have my last moments..
i wish that i can have my last memories..
i wish that i can have my last times to say everything..
but the wish is only a wish,
its all over,
the last chapter of the story,
the end of the it..
no more tears, no more pain,
no more fight and no more to be said,
coz she gone...
out of the sight
out of the life
and i was so untrue

Sejenak aku dikejutkan
Bersama ombak cinta luka
Perpisahan melanda kita
Hanya kerna peristiwa itu

Kiranya takdir mengizinkan
Inginku kembali padamu
Meneruskan cinta yang lalu
Kerana kau yang aku sayangi

Akan kusimpan kenangan cinta kita
Yang tak akan terpadam selamanya
Kehangatan cintamu masih aku terasa
Seperti baru semalam kita berpisah

Tangisan sedu di hatiku
Menahan kepedihan ini
Sendiri aku mengenangkanmu
Hanya engkau yang aku sayangi

if i knew it would be the last time,
that i see you fall asleep,
i would tuck you in more tight,
and pray to Lord,your soul to keep.
if i knew it would be the last time,
i heard your voice lifted up in a praise,
i would video tape each action and words,
so i could play them back day after day,
if i knew it would be the last time,
i could spare an extra minute,
to stop and and say' I LOVE YOU',
instead of assuming you will KNOW i do,
if i knew it would be the last time,
i would be there to share your day,
well i'm sure you have many more,
so i can just let this one slip away,
For surely there always be tomorrow,
to make up an oversight and we always have a second chance to make everything right,
There is always be another day to say 'I LOVE YOU',
and surely there will be another time to spend more time with u,
but if that tomorrow never come,
i would like to take the chance to said thank you
for lending this sincere feeling that make me feel so true..
i am truly, madly and deeply fall for you..
i also would plead for apologise for everything that i had done to you,
and for a dream which never always be true..
so, i better leave,
and bring the past and memories as a reminder of you..
i let you go,
so your soul will always be with you...
with that, thank you so much and sorry for being a mistake that i also never knew...
but i have no regrets to know someone like you..
if only you knew.....

everybody wants a great memory.....guess what? i already have one that i will keep it for eternity....:-)

counting down the days where i will leaving on a plane,
i dun't know when i'll be back again,
i hate to tell you up to say goodbye,
but the dawn is breaking this early morning,
already i feel so lonesome till i could die...
so be with me and smile for me,
tell me that you wait for me,
hold me like you'll never let me go
the time is getting closer,
there always be a tear,
getting hard and harder,
wish that i never miss a thing,
cause even i dream of you,
the sweetiest dream will never do,
that i will always love you and miss you
more that you never knew

times flies,
how much i wish that i can make up for everything,
when i hear your voice, i feel so glad that you still there,
when i listen to you, i still know that you always be there,
when i see you, my heart beat become faster and i know that you always be close to me,
but....
it won't take longer,
though i will not let you go,
but my heart just won’t feel right
to always have you by my side ,
every day, every time, every minutes and every seconds,
imagining you always be with me ,
just enough to make me stand ,
to see the world in front me,
imagining you always pray for me,
just enough to make me strong to continue all along,
imagining you always think of me,
just enough to keep you close to my heart,
nothing more that i wanted it to be,
coz i just want you to be happy...
though we like a distant star,
our memories and moments are the precious stars that always lighten my heart and soul...
and only sacrifice that i have so we won't spill it again
only sacrifice that i have so the world be normal again
only sacrifice that i have to make up for my oversight and make everything right again...

no more words to be said coz action speak louder than words,
the pain was so hurt and i don't think that i can stay,
u really make me go away with all my sorrow ,
though i wish that you dun't break my heart,
coz I'm drowned in you and I won't pull trough
without you by my side....
then i realized that i just dream on to feel your soul close to mine..
the pain that i suffer just make me more weaker

when you hurt someone feeling , the pain that you feel is actually deeper,
you may felt that you may had put things right but it will get harder,
you had to sacrifice your feeling and even worst that you have to hurt her,
you may think it is good for her but ,
you actually had stole everything from her,
you may think that you make her go, but she become closer,
you may think she will get better but she only have you to be close to her,
you don't have to avoid her cause she will let you go as you be cruel to her,
she will suffer the pain and she become weaker,
she will loss the strenght and she fail to stand up again,
at that time, she will walk away with the sadness and sorrow,
she lost, and you are the winner..

sometimes, somewhere and somehow, that moments just breeze to my mind like the air... it is ok to take things loose a little bit as long as you keep it right and things will get good and fine....

it is hard to say to tell you how

I'm here, just like I said
Though it's breaking every rule I've ever made
My racing heart, is just the same;
Why make it strong to break it once again?
And I'd love to say "I do";
Give everything to you
But I could never now be true

So I say...
I think I better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now

I'm here, so please explain
Why you're opening up a healing wound again
I'm a little more careful, perhaps it shows
But if I lose the highs at least I’m spared the lows
Now I tremble in your arms
What could be the harm?
To feel my spirit calm?

So I say...
I think I better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now

I wouldn't know how to say
How good it feels seeing you today
I see you've got your smile back
Like you say - you're right on track
But you may never know why
Once bitten, twice as shy
If I'm proud, perhaps I should explain
I couldn't bear to loose you again

Yes, I will.
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper...
I think I better leave right now

Di sebalik kalbu, yang semakin layu, terbenam suatu rasa rindu, terkunci satu suara hati yang tiada sesiapa pun tahu..namun, walau kehadiranku hanyalah sementara, bukanlah salahku sayang sekiranya kau jatuh cinta, pemergianku ini tidak kurelai,akan ku pergi jauh dan takkan kembali, salam maaf permisi dan akan ku undur diri, ....dimanakah kasih, tidak seperti dulu, bila kau kata kau sayangkan ku, benarkah semua itu....ku tinggalkan cinta, kisah yang berlalu, kisah kenangan kita dan hanya kau saja yang tahu....

It had been for about years, the story had finished…you have your own way and I had mine.... question by question popped in my mind which I wish that you can answer all of it but then I realize who am I to you…. there no more words, no more questions, no more enquiry, no more arguing coz times change everything and nature takes its call…. We have our priority and our responsibility…. we have aren’t enough time to talk about it and I guess that just the way the story should goes…

That moments teach me a lot of things, that moments hold a lot of memories and that moments will always be close in my heart….our decision is the best for us …If only I knew there always be tomorrow, I will spare a minute to make up for oversight and make sure everything just right, but tomorrow is not a promised to everyone and I take this chance so it won’t slip away coz if tomorrow never come, I’ll regret it the day…

suddenly, the wind blow and you can feel the smell of freshness and peaceful..... the clock turn the time back when everything seemed to be wonderful and marvellous... each moment flies so fast at that time and everything runs so smooth.... the environment, the timing, the place and even the date was so perfect.... but just let it be as a vivid memories of that once a upon a time.... someone, somewhere and some place where some moments were treasure.... lots of things that can't be said it out loud but as long as we know it and for we to keep it........

cinta bukan bagaimana untuk menjadi pasangan yang sempurna tetapi bagaimana menemukan seseorang yang dapat membantumu menjadi dirimu sendiri dan kerana kehadirannya itu buat dirimu sempurna

love is visible when someone is there for you, when you need them. Its being treated right when you make a mistake or need mercy or understanding

monday again..... as usual as some people said, monday blues but i guess today a little bit different for me .. i am quite eager to be in monday.... well, i guess for what had i've been through ... i just anxiously want to be in my working place..... it seemed quite awkward today...everything seem uncertain and question mark?....ermmmmm, what actually happened? that puzzled me.... and i just dun't feel right about it...........why? why should i feel that way.... i am just too imaginative which i think it is too much..... it would not be rite to think of it...will not be... i hope everything recover soon.... i guess so coz the temptation to reveal everything just at my finger tips but i shall keep it solely to myself.... we will see tomorrow and i hope everything goes well..........

just a few minutes ago, i listen to this music.....well, before i advertise the whole lyrics of one of my fav songs...i shall share this statement....'life without music is a silent'....i can't imagine if we dun't have the radio and the world would be dull without entertainment... i think music is the best way to deliver the messages and to express your thought.. some people imprinted their feeling in music and some plays with their emotion in it...for certain people, you may not know the best way to expel your feeling, therefore i think music is the alternative connector medium which may deliver out the messages... well, whatever it is, in my point of view, music do plays a pivotal role in my life... i always have fun to listen, to hear and even to sings it along....;-) and some of it are my fav songs which mean so much to me and some are an evergreen collection which i always admire...so, here goes one of it:-

Bagaimana
Harus kita meneruskan
Percintaan yang terluka
Masa dulu

Andainya kau sendirian
Dan kau masih lagi mencariku
Di sini aku menanti mu

Kenangi saat indah kau dan aku
Waktu itu hidup kita romantisnya
Kita pun berlari-lari mengejar ombak
Di pantai kasih
Akhirnya aku kau tinggalkan

Sejarah cintaku yang lalu oh...
Hanyalah ujian bagimu
Seandainya kau perlukan aku
Ku masih ada di sini
Seandainya aku tiada lagi
Simpanlah cintaku
Di dadamu oh... sayang

Cuba kau ingat kembali
Masa lalu
Kasihku teguh buatmu
Walaupun terluka namun ku bersabar
Dan masih menyayangi

Andainya kau ada yang lain
Waktu ini
Apalah dayaku lagi
Terpaksalah aku membawa diriku
Dan hanya Tuhan saja yang mengerti

Kalau aku mengelamun sendirian
Berderai airmata di pipiku
Kerana terlalu pilunya hatiku
Kau pergi dariku tanpa pesan
Di sudut hatiku yang terluka ini
Terpahat namamu Kaulah kekasih

at last, home sweet home...how much i miss you my bed, my room, my car and everything about my home...mom's cooking, mom's and dad's grumbling and biha's complaint.... though most of the time she is the victim to be scold..hahahaha....
well, nearly two weeks i had been away from home, there is a lot of things i 've learned, a lot of experiences and a lot of memories... from shopping to berendam dalam waterfall...from airplane to cars and even taxi van....from hotel to chalet.... and from colleague to making new friends... from far become near, from lecturer to chatting, from shy to be open.....well, whatever it is... it always be one of the best memory to be framed in my minds and heart....
so, tomorrow.... come back to work.... i really miss my patients, my staff and my solely working place.......not to say i am workaholic but slightly alcoholic.....hahahaha.....well, need a routine to be do it everyday...:-)

if one day that gal can't talk, then she had said her feeling when u r close to her,
if one day that gal can't hear, then she had listened to what you want to said to her,
if one day she is blind, then she had see you as closed as she can while you are with her,
if one day she out of time, she want you to know that she is very thankful for what you had gave her,
and if one day she walk away, she want you to know that it is the best for you and her....though deep inside she was afraid to lose you...

dalam setiap saat yang kau berikan, aku akan simpan di dalam hati ini,
dalam setiap detik nafas yang kau hembuskan, aku akan berada senafas denganmu,
dan dalam setiap pelukan itu, aku akan merasa degupan jantungmu,
kau datang dengan tiba-tiba, pertemuan yang telah mengubah segalanya,
kau bawa ku hanyut dalam bibit2 cinta,
setipa hari aku jadi keliru, aku takut kehilanganmu,
tapi kau datang memberi nafas baru,kau rayu dan membuat aku keliru dan buntu,
aku hilang arah pandu, hidup ini bagai tak berseri tanpa mendengar suaramu,
kau jadikan pengalamanmu sebagai umpan mendekatiku,
tapi kau lupa yang suatu ketika aku kan terluka
tidak pernah kah kau pikirkan yang aku akan hilang arah tujuan,
tapi kau tak peduli hingga membuat ku hanyut ke tengah lautan,
sampai ketika, kau biarkan aku lemas sendirian,
aku lemas ke dasar lautan..
aku lemah meniti hari kerana tiada lagi kau di sisi,
tiada lagi kata cintamu, tiada lagi dakapan cinta dulu,
tinggal aku sendiri, membawa diri keseorangan,
pabila malam tiba, hatiku menangis sepi,
hanya tinggal aku di sini,
bila angin bertiup, hatiku merayu pilu
hanya tinggal bayu yang lalu..
kini kau sudah tiada lagi,
aku hanya memori,
dan kau adalah fantasi yang pernah aku mimpi..
dan aku berjanji untuk tidak bermimpi lagi
kerana di akhir nanti pasti ku akan kecewa lagi..
bagaikan layu di tepi dasar lautan,
aku tabah meneruskan kehidupan,
tanpa sesiapa yang mengerti,
bahawa jiwa ini telah diguris lagi.....

:-)... it is a suprised for me.. i really dun't believe that the things come true... Thank you GOD... THANK YOU SO MUCH...I AM SO HAPPY.....our life is life a cycle of tyre, sometime we are on the bottom part but sometimes we are at the upper...as far as i concern, i believe that everything that was given, there is always the meaning behind it... THANK YOU SO MUCH...
alhamdulilah, bersyukur ku kepadanya.... hanya KEPADAMU aku memohon dan KEPADAMU aku meminta....AMIN

it has been a while after that time....nuthing much change and it always be the memorable moments although just a few hours.....memories freshen up and that what make it always be close to my heart.... but as what had agreed, the pathway and the choice of road are different...though temptation and feeling are shouted like crazy inside, there always be the limitation....at once it used to be close to me but now it is just my dream, at once it used to be speechless but now it is just to hear and to see, at once it used to be everything but now it just lonely.....
.....it is not a 365 spending days, it is not 6 or 5 month living together, it is not even 3 or 4 weeks to enjoy the days but it is remembrance and precious moments that always be.....;-)

aduh....abis teruk argentina kena belasah.....kick the ball to the goal....Messi need to win this, to be in the closing ceremony....pity Tevez, he had run ke hulu hilir padang ...but luck not on their side...ermm...they have to close their book for this world cup final this year....

at time when you just feel like you want to run away..... to go away from everything...to be free and have your own space but then something stopped you rite away.. your journey cannot be continue.... and when the time arrived, u just feel that you want to be close to the peak of the mountain then your grab become loose which make you rolling down again, its hurt so much coz you keep on falling....but you need to be strong..
at time when you feel like you want to talk to someone... to tell the story of your life.... to express everything that you want to tell but then you already being forgotten... you already not important anymore.... and when the time come, u just feel lonely then your mind start to rewind back the good old memories and you start to think back for what had happened... but still you need to be strong..
at time when you just feel that you do not have the courage to go on, then your eyes start to close, your ear start to become silent, your nose are breathless and your soul are away from your body.....then is when you are weak and hopeless..... but still GOD IS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU....

i am so happy to see when people are happy...and i am so happy to see when we actually enjoy the moments.... the moments that are so remarkable, the moments that only we knew, the moments that we keep for eternity.....for some people, they believe that money can make you happy but they aren't true for the rest.... you may have different perspective on how you appreciate things surround you.....some may say it with words, some may express it with their body language, some may noble you with lots of gifts and presents, some may speak it loud , some may join the crowd and some may just keep it to yourself.... in every matter that you do, you just want to see people are happy..... .. that's just the things that satisfied you and it is true....i hope it is the wonderful time , i hope it is the precious moments , i hope it is the everlasting time and i hope it is the vivid memories.... coz that's the moments that i want to be share.. for you, for me and for everyone......

guess what, i actually had confront the situation with them.... so relieved and relax..... thank you mommy for the advice.. sometimes it is better to maintain low self esteem rather than being out spoken.. the main point is the actually received the message well...it is not easy to handle human behavior especially when you need to deal with the old people.... they tend to get emotional easily...

today, i really got piss off.... what had happened really test my patience....sometimes i just don't understand why others just can not think like what we think...... really troublesome...i really caught in the act, but i just want to be nice and to understand everybody well, then all those things turn back to me...perghhh, it is so bad to feel like you been hit by a punching bag.... its really ruin my weekend....but then, i 'm thinking if that what they want, i have to be straight to the point, no such things of thinking of other people feeling...i will hit them back.. 1-1.... u want to start the game, then we play.... whoever can't make it to the end will consider a loser... i'll make sure you got back what you had thrown to me, and then when you can't tolerate with it.... don't ever dream to turn back to me... and then you know, my authority and what i can do.....the only problem is just i have to see you everyday... we will finalize everything on next week and we see what you got in mind....

time sure flies.... tgk2 dah hari khamis.....cepat betul....day by day, week by week, month by month...then finished one year....but there still things that i need to settle, matter that i haven't conclude...should i just ran and ran as far as i could or should i face it...... things get complicated... sometimes u feel so happy, sometimes u feel so sad, sometimes u depressed, sometime u r fascinated, sometimes i feel to see u, sometimes i feel hate, sometimes i succeed, sometimes i failed, sometimes i miss u, sometimes i forget, sometimes i healthy, sometimes i am sick.... and that's just how life is.......if we have the chance to wrote a book , i'm sure each of us will create their own drama and plot...i read a quotation telling that ' every one wants a good memory, and guess what u already have one'.... the one that u will keep it for the rest of your life... the one that will always be inside u... the one that only you will know...... the only once upon time....

Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

i am going to share about a little interesting story regarding a little gal..
once upon a time ago, there was a little who loves to listen to a story,
one day while she sitting alone ,then came one man to her ..that man was walking down the bridge with his girlfriend ... then the man approach her and told her a little story.. she was so amazed with that man attitude and style, and since that day the gal promised to herself that one day she will meet the man again and walk together with him..and be close to him
time flies, the little gal had grown up and turn to a lady... she try to find that man but her mission failed .. in every single time she attempt to search for him, there was a lot of obstacles she had to go through... she never knew that the man actually fall for her until finally one day, she got to meet him... at that moment, she felt that she was the most happiest woman in this world... they spend their time talking , enjoy their moments and walk together...she fell that the man was so close to her...then she said, ' i came this far just to be close to you' and she cried and cried on that man's shoulder.... there is nothing that the gal want, only she want that man to be happy....she knew that it is impossible for them to be together....but she also knew that their loves will be for eternity.....only she and that man knew it....

that story was captured from a little book i just read...a book i borrowed from a friend of mine..

tgh duduk2 in front of my computer, then this songs was on air.... precise, frank action ....
when a things need to be do,is the need to be done, though is the hardest thing to do.....

I think I'd better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now

;-)... dun't follow ur heart, follow ur mind....

today, i'm in kl..... dah lama tak datang kl nie and having conference here, meeting old friends, refresh old memories, hanging out with old mates and to visit my relatives here....miss all my activities here in kl..
sometimes when having a chance to get away from my hectic schedule, do make me feel relieve....aahhhhhhhh,lega rasanya... best if every week can be enjoyed like this...
however, life have to go on after this...maybe only for a while we got chance to glance to our old memories but that is the moments that we can hold forever....

dia datang atas nama cinta,
kita berjuang demi satu cinta,
walau jauh kau dari mata,
sentiasa kau dalam hati,
aku sampaikan pesan melalui angin
aku nyanyikan rindu melalui lagu
tersemat indah kenangan kita
dalam melodi cinta nan agung
bila cinta berlagu,akanku rasa kau sentiasa bersamaku!!!

today, while on my way to work, i listened to this song....it is very simple songs by one of indonesian band 'UNGU' but i found the lyrics was so touch and meaningful....:-)well, whatever it is life have to go on.....though it was not like before...

Tiada guna kau kembali
Mengisi ruang hati ini
Semuanya telah berlalu
Bersama lukaku

Semua yang telah berlalu
Antara hatiku dan hatimu
Takkan ada cinta
Seperti yang dulu

Tiada guna kau berjanji
Untuk setia menemani
Hatiku yang telah terluka
Karena dustamu

Semua yang telah berakhir
Antara diriku dan dirimu
Takkan ada yang rindu
Seperti Yang dulu

yesterday....

hye.... this is my first day of writing.. been talking to someone yesterday and the idea just popped into my mind to start on writing as what he said that it is the way of expressing your feeling....

why i choose this tittle, just because that without yesterday, they will never be today,
without yesterday, there will never be you, me and other and without yesterday, there will never be the memories and moments that i want to remember... maybe yesterday was the day that he/she was so close to you... maybe yesterday was the day that her/his wishes had been granted.. maybe yesterday was the day that the only day that you can hear his/her voice.... maybe yesterday was the moment that you want to hold on.....or maybe yesterday was the day that you losing him/her...

yesterday , all my troubles seemed so far away.
Now it looks as though they're here to stay.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she had to go
I don't know she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong,
Now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Why she had to go
I don't know she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong,
Now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm.


i wish that how much i want to be in yesterday......